What I have learned from years of experience is that there are four kinds of people you need in your corner when setting goals or just living your best life. These people do not necessarily have to be in your group of friends or family. Anyone can fit these categories such as a boss, a coworker, your neighbor or even your Life Coach. These four people can also change with time and can even change with your goals.
I am 50 years old. In my 50 years there have been many, many, times in which I set a goal that I kept to myself. I didn’t want to share it with anyone because it was much easier to only disappointment myself if I didn’t follow through, which I had a tendency to do, then to have to tell others that I failed.
Vulnerability was not my friend.
Eventually, I realized keeping things to myself was not the answer, it never helped me achieve my goals and honestly, it was lonely. So, I started to share with only one person. And then another. And before I knew it, I was starting to feel differently about my goals. The difference from sharing goals with people before was the kind of people I was sharing with. By surrounding myself with the right people, my goals had a new meaning and motivation behind them.
Your circle matters!
Here are the four people you will need to help you when working on a goal:
#1 – A Believer
This person believes in you more than you believe in yourself. It can be scary starting something new and the believer provides motivation to get started.
In my past life, I worked in corporate America. I was a Sales Team Leader when a manager position opened. Self doubt and anxiety set in when I thought about applying for it. During a one-on-one meeting with my manager she brought it up.
I told her my fears:
- I do not have what it takes
- Maybe I am not ready
- Now is not a good time
All excuses to not have to try and fail. My manager started laughing. LAUGHING! I was shocked and was caught off guard. So, I just started laughing along with her. Finally, she said “Trust me – you are ready, you have what it takes and now is the time!” I’ll never forget that feeling of someone believing in me more than I believed in myself. It helps if this person is someone you respect and look up to but it doesn’t have to be. I have had several Believers in my life since then. What I discovered is that the Believers show up when you share your aspirations. If you have a goal – start telling people. The Believers make themselves known. Latch on. They are your lifeline to taking the first step.
#2 The Cheerleader
The Cheerleader is your biggest fan. The person who is as excited about your goals as you are. They give you inspiration to keep moving forward after the Believer has motivated you to take the first step. They are the person that you know will be happy for you and support you along the way.
I had several Cheerleaders on my pursuit of the manager job. Some were coworkers and others where friends.
#3 – The Mentor
A mentor is at the level in which you wish to be. For example: If you want to advance in the workplace find someone who is already doing what you would like to do and meet with them regularly. If you want to start your own business, find someone who is already doing it and get their guidance. If you want to improve your health and fitness, find a health coach, a personal trainer, or a friend who can show you the way. Mentors can be a peer group that are successful or uplifting and supportive. To improve your life, you must surround yourself with people who have a record of doing that for themselves.
I found a mentor at work that shared what she loved about being a manager and what she struggled with. She showed me the ropes of what I could expect and helped me get prepared for interviews. I still seek out mentors today depending on the goal I am working towards.
#4 A Truth Bomber
The Truth Bomber is the person that is not afraid to call you out when you are not following through. They bring to your attention the behavior or the language that is not congruent with your goals. Lets face it – some changes are more challenging than others. Especially those that require a habit change. Rewiring your old habits into new ones takes consistency, commitment, and dedication. When you are falling short the Truth Bomber is essential for a nice kick in the butt!
My Truth Bomber was my best friend. There were times in which I let self-doubt and fear of failure set it and my Truth Bomber best friend would remind me how ridiculous I was being. The swift kick in the ass was exactly what I needed at times.
In addition, there are certain people you will want to stay away from.
The Executioners
I do not believe you should share your dreams with everyone. If you have people in your life that have been known to “rain on your parade” – hang out with them if you want, but keep your dreams to yourself. The Executioners kill the motivation to move forward on your goals. They drain the energy right out of them. Executioners would benefit from having Believers in their life but are too busy blaming others for their short comings than to learn from them.
In the end, I did not get the manager job. Yes, it was a total bummer. But what I gained was just as valuable. I became someone who used the faith of others to push me forward. I allowed myself to be vulnerable by letting people in and had felt a level of support around me that I didn’t know existed. I realized that reaching the goal is not the best part of any journey but rather, who you meet and who you become in the process.
If you are working on a goal right now, which you should be, who are your four people?
Your Life Coach – Traci