When I was 25 years old (I am 50 now) I made the decision to move to Texas to live with my two friends from high school. I got a loan from the bank for $1200 to help pay for the move. I had a date set and my friends in Texas were anxiously awaiting my arrival. I told everyone I was leaving and planned to transfer my job to Texas with the same company I was working for at the time. Nothing was going to get in my way of this amazing adventure!
Except ..maybe….a boy. Yes, indeed, I met a BOY and all my plans went to sh*t. I was so into this guy that I put the move on hold. This boy and I had so much fun together. I was falling in love with him and then we broke up 4 months later. I was heartbroken. It would have been a great time to continue my move to Texas, but I didn’t have it in me anymore. I no longer had the desire like I did months earlier. And on top of that – I had spent the $1200 I borrowed for the move on a shopping spree. Bad decision, but so much fun!
On the surface it looks like a lot of bad decisions that were made.
#1 – Letting a boy interfere with my plans
#2 – Spending the money
But, the real mistake is that I did not take enough time to evaluate why I wanted to move to Texas in the first place. I realized many years later that I made that decision because I was bored. I like variety in my life and my life felt so mundane and uneventful at the time. SO, what is a girl to do? MOVE! That will spice things up!
I understand now that the interfering boy brought that excitement also. (Damn Oxytocin!) He was spicing up my life which is why I did not need to move anymore. And it was pretty damn fun spending all that money on clothes. I never had that much money in the bank at one time at my free will to spend! It was the best shopping experience ever. Until the bank wanted repayment, of course.
I regretted not moving to Texas for the longest time because the relationship did not work out. Also, writing a check each month for the shopping spree was a constant reminder of my mistake. I realized that I wanted to let it go and the only way to do that was to find the blessing in the mistake. I needed to turn my guilty thoughts into something I could feel good about. There were lesson’s in everything so I needed to figure out what was the lesson here?
I turned my sad thoughts of “I should have chosen Texas over a boy” into “Had I not given the boy a chance I would have always wondered if he was “The One.”
I turned my shameful thoughts of spending the money from “You are so irresponsible” to “Your wardrobe has never been better but don’t do it again!”
The most important lesson I learned was that before making any big decisions in my life I must ask myself “Why do I want that? What will that give me?”
The surface answer is that I wanted to have fun with my friends in Texas. But why did I want that? And the answer is because I was bored. Had I realized that earlier I may have found a less expensive way to do it and one that did not require monthly payments over a 6 month period.
My decision-making process has evolved over the years. I do not make any big decisions before going through this process.
It works well with any decision whether you are considering leaving the job, leaving the relationship, starting a relationship, making a move, starting a business, etc….
Here are the steps that you should take when making a decision.
#1. Ask yourself
If I make this change what will it give me? Why is it important that I consider making this change? Will anyone else benefit from me making this change?
#2. Get more clarity
What is it that I want? (In a job, in a relationship, in a home purchase, etc)
#3. Old School Pro’s and Con’s
Take a piece of paper, line down the middle, and make a Pro’s and Con’s of each decision.
#4. Find solutions to the cons
This is an immensely powerful step. It makes the decision solution focused as opposed to problem focused.
#5. Consider “What it he worse thing that could happen if I make the wrong decision?”
Take time to think about the worst thing that would happen if you ended up going with the decision.
#6. Find a solution if #5 happens.
If the worst does happen, how can it be fixed or changed? You take the new job and you hate it? What do you do?
#7. Make your decision.
It’s time to just decide. If you were happy, you wouldn’t need to make a decision in the first place. Take the leap. Make the change.
#8. Have certainty that there are no bad decisions.
Every decision we make, either good or bad, leads us somewhere. It is a part of your journey. Either you win some or you learn some. Be brave and trust yourself!
Your Life Coach – Traci