I have a desire to create content that is meaningful, relatable, and educational for you. Typically, the stories that I share have a conclusion in which I learned a valuable lesson that I hope you can learn from or gain inspiration from. Interestingly, a couple events from my life popped up for me to write about but the truth is – the events that kept popping up, I don’t regret and I also don’t care to attach a lesson to it. And because I can’t find a lesson for you, I’m disregarding that experience as something you can learn from.
No lesson = No meaningful, relatable, or educational content to share.
Immediate judgement then set in for me. If I have these experiences I’m thinking of and there is no lesson, then what does that say about me as a coach? Shouldn’t I be “finding” the lesson and sharing it? Shouldn’t I be regretful of ALL poor decisions in my past? What does it say about me as a coach that I, in fact, do not find it necessary to attach a lesson to all poor decisions from my past? Does that make me fake?
My judgmental mind keeps replaying these thoughts:
“Why am I judging myself so harshly that some decision’s I made in my life I do not regret?
“Why am I making it wrong?”
“How can there be a lesson to share when I do not care to attach a lesson to it?”
“I want to simply be ok with what happened without any judgment towards it.”
Maybe THAT is the lesson that I need to share today.
So here it is – the story that I almost did not share.
When I was 21 I got into a bar fight.
I was sitting at a tall table at a club with three of my friends. It was a typical Saturday night of drinking and dancing. My roommate showed up and sat down on the bar stool next to me. We were not the best of friends. She started arguing with me. I don’t recall what we were arguing about or how it started but what I do remember is her pointing her long Lee Press On nail in my face.
I kept telling her to stop. She didn’t.
I kept slapping her finger out of my face. Yet, she continued pointing.
I could feel my anger bubbling up inside as she continued yelling at me above the loud music and it was super annoying. Even though I do not recall yelling back, I recall continuing to slap her finger out of my face. I kept thinking, “Why won’t she stop? OMG. This is insane. Is she drunk? What is happening right now?” Nevertheless, more finger pointing.
Out of pure adrenaline, anger, and frustration, I punched her off of her bar stool onto the ground. She covered her face with her hands as I let my frustration out on her. I just kept hitting as her Lee Press On nails snapped one-by-one.
Not my proudest moment but I have never looked back on that as something I wish I handled differently. Even today, I do not regret it. I did not intentionally decide to hit her. My adrenaline took over and before I knew it, I was being dragged out of the bar by two bouncers.
The lesson could be that I should have walked away. The lesson could be that I should have been the bigger person. But here is the truth – It does not bother me whatsoever that I did that. It does not bother me that I do not want to attach a life changing lesson to it. Sorry not sorry that there are things that I have done in my life that I don’t take back or regret. My identity as a coach says it is wrong. But my identity as a human being sharing my stories with you says it is authentic.
Now, is it ok to hit people? No.
Does being 21 at the time give me immunity from having to place any regret on it. Maybe.
Does it make me a bad person or coach that I feel this way? NO!
The lesson I feel compelled to share today is this: The way out of self judgement is to not label your thoughts and feelings as being wrong.
That kind of judgement comes from society and wondering what “others” would think if they knew your true feelings. I was labeling myself a bad person not caring that I lost my temper and as a bad coach for not wanting to tie a lesson to this situation. I judged myself so much that I almost made up a “lesson learned” story to share with you about it. Instead, I choose authenticity.
Our feelings are our feelings! Perhaps the real work is in making that ok. Perhaps it is ok to let things happen without making a lesson or fuss about it.
Your Life Coach – Traci
We learn from situations such as these. We ALL have moments we wonder if we should have handled differently. I have SEVERAL!
As you say, we cannot help how we feel.
Thank you for sharing, Traci.
I like that – “our feelings are our feelings” sounds like being true to self and being comfortable in your own skin. I’m big on being authentic and suffer for wanting to sound or look good. The truth is, feelings are just feelings; they are not right or wrong unless we make them so. Thank you for sharing, Traci.
Thank you, Constance! I am so glad you enjoyed it. Authenticity is so powerful. <3