We live in a world where this thought presents itself way too often.
I’ll be happy when…
When what?
When you get the job, make more money, pay off debt, lose weight, get the girl, get the boy, get the raise, get the house, get the shot, when the pandemic ends, when you reach the goal, finally retire, find your purpose, go on vacation, have the confidence, get the promotion, leave the relationship, find a relationship, start the business, write the book, win the lottery, get justice, etc.
There is no doubt that when you achieve your goal you will feel the joy, the sense of accomplishment, or the feeling of significance for doing so. You will feel happy at a level 100!
But, it does not last.
Eventually, the exhilaration you feel from reaching your goal lowers to level 80, then level 60, then level 30 and before long, you are in pursuit of the next “thing” that will make you feel happy back at a level 100 again.
If this is you, you are stuck in a life where you believe happiness is only attainable by achieving, therefore, putting yourself on a merry-go-round of intention setting. And while you are in pursuit of happiness, you may not be enjoying the process (your life) because happiness only comes AFTER you have achieved your goal.
All that “to-do” nonsense in between intention and success is merely a necessary evil to get to the end goal so that you can get your dopamine hit – the feel-good chemical that you have trained your brain to release when you reach a goal. The dopamine is where the feeling of exhilaration comes from. But again – dopamine hits are not meant to last.
Lean in a little bit here, I have a secret.
You do not have to work that hard to feel the dopamine hit that makes you feel happy. Happiness is based on what you focus on. If you have been taught that happiness is gained through success, great, become successful! I want you to pursue your dreams!
But, along the way of reaching this success, pay attention to what is around you. Are you blessed with four walls keeping you warm at night? Are you blessed with food in your fridge? How about electricity, a change of clothes in your closet, a job, a car to get your from here to there, people who love you, a computer – or twp – for virtual school, a couple extra dollars in the bank?
What do you have in your life right that you can focus on to feel happy?
It is easy to focus on what we don’t have – especially these days in the restricted world of COVID-19. But even in the current state of craziness, we are WAY better off then people in other parts of the world.
There are people who have served our country who have lost their limbs or suffer from PTSD – for US.
There are people who’s only thought every day is if their child will survive the cancer diagnosis.
People who live in countries that are so dangerous, they give their kids to people who drop them off 14-foot fences so they can have freedom.
Think about that next time you get upset about your $9.00 designer coffee not being hot enough.
So, I ask you again.
What do you have to be happy about?
I have caught myself stuck in the “I’ll be happy when…” merry-go-round many times until I get punched in the face by news of another missing child or another injustice. You can train your brain to release dopamine simply by being grateful for what you have, as opposed to, getting dizzy from the constant pursuit of achievement.
Of course I feel exhilarated at a level 100 when I reach my goals. I LOVE setting goals. That dopamine hit is a great feeling. But, I have learned so much about the dopamine fall. I do not fear the dopamine winding down because I still have so many things to feel exhilarated about. I have so many blessings and live a life of gratitude for what I have right now – today.
Set your goals, be grateful everyday and ditch the Merry-Go-Round. You deserve to be happy NOW! Not in five years when you paid off a car. Not in six months when you move to a different house.
Right. Now.
If you are someone who is waiting to be “happy when”, I challenge you to stop looking outwardly and instead start looking inwardly.
Your Life Coach – Traci