There are so many things I wish I knew when I was younger. So many things that would have saved me a lot of negative emotional energy. So many things that would have changed my confidence and love for myself. My youth was full of ignorance and for me – ignorance was bliss! But other times, it left me feeling confused and insecure.
The biggest advantage I have found from being older, let’s call them Truthbombs, is that I have had enough life experiences for that confusion to turn into logic and reasoning and eventually self-love.
Here are my 3 Truthbombs to gaining confidence and self-love.
You cannot trust your own opinion about yourself.
Do you have a hard time taking a compliment?
We all have negative internal thoughts, such as you are a failure, you not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, etc. that causes insecurity. When someone says the opposite of your internal dialog it’s hard to believe. People who compliment you see something in you that you may not see in yourself. They do not hear your inner voice or how you feel about yourself. They only see what you do or what you say. Therefore, you cannot trust your own opinion of yourself, but you can trust the opinion of others because they see you as you ARE. Instead of brushing the compliment off – take it in! It is the truth as that person see’s you.
On the other hand, if someone says something negative and you hear the same negative statement from random people repeatedly – you may want to look at yourself. It’s like the old saying, “When 20 people say you have a tail you best turnaround and look!”
Understand that not everyone likes you.
You can be the most liked person in your office but there will always be someone in the background, or in private, waving the anti-YOU flag. Here is the good news – its none of your business why they do not like you. You are wasting time sulking about it or caring about why. This goes for the haters on social media, work environments, moms from the PTO, your neighbor’s best friends’ husbands sister – it is none of your business.
Some people (and by some I mean almost everyone), have insecurities that play out in the form of criticism at times. Generally, it is towards people that have a character trait, or some material thing, that the other person wishes they had. So, if someone doesn’t like you – Celebrate! Then wave your own flag of compassion for that other person so that they will see the beauty in themselves and stop comparing themselves to you.
Saying YES to everything and everyone is not a flattering character trait.
Although you have good intentions when you always say “Yes” to things you do not really want to do (projects at work, helping friends, helping family, etc…) it is a form of manipulation. It comes from a belief that “If I do things for others, they will like me, love me and/or not leave me.” It is not authentic and generally deepens your insecurities as opposed to helping them. Eventually, you will start to resent people for taking advantage of you when in fact you are the one that set the expectation. Instead – be curious about figuring out who really does like you, who really loves you and who is not going to go away by only saying yes to the things you want to do. If people go away – be glad you are no longer being used and have gratitude and love for those that stay.
Your Life Coach – Traci