What the hell was I thinking?
Is it really possible to go through life without those “What the HELL was I thinking” moments? If you are over 40 and have not experienced this, we should meet because you must be Mother Theresa reincarnated.
I recently sent a survey to people over 40 in which 66 responders said that regret from actions in the past was the #1 thing that still affects them today. To which I respond – “I feel you!”
Looking back on my life I wished I had done some things differently.
The regrets that stick out the most for me are actions I took in my teenage years and early 20’s due to a fear of rejection. Of course, at the time I did not know I had this fear. I felt insecure but was not able to put a legitimate name to it until I became a Life Coach and started learning about the motivators that drive human behavior.
A lot of people have said that when you turn 40, you suddenly do not care about what people think of you anymore. And for me that was true. However, that did not take away the feeling of disappointment in myself for earlier life events. I felt silly to be in my late 40’s and to still be hanging on to those things but I couldn’t shake them.
I bet (hope) the people involved in the said “regretful” moments had forgotten them long ago. I just wish my brain would do the same. I feel this incongruency with who I am now compared to who I was then which is what bothers me the most.
And then I learned about the Eraser Effect.
The Eraser Effect states that if you erase the event that you feel regretful of – you must also erase everything that happened after it. Because each event in our lives, whether good or bad, lead us to another event -then to another and another, etc.…
There was one situation from my 20’s that I regret the most. It ended in a breakup that left me heartbroken, anxiety ridden and could have potentially jeopardized my reputation. I had never felt worse about myself then I did in that moment. But had it not been for that event, for that heartbreak, for that anxiety and that fear – I would have continued to spiral. I see now that although it was one of the most painful times in my life it changed my life for the better in a way that I could have never envisioned back then. And that is something I am not willing to erase.
The truth is people rarely go through life without regretting something.
What are your regretful moments? What happened after them? Did you meet someone you may not have otherwise met? Did you do something positive that you may not have done otherwise? What did you gain because of it? If your regretful moment still has you feeling sadness, anxiety, depression, insecurity, etc…Think about what the Eraser Effect would be for you. Had that not happened – what else positive would have also not happened?
Let’s vow to not continue looking in the rear-view mirror. Let us look forward at the things that are within our control today. It is a much better view!
Your Life Coach – Traci