One thing I find interesting as a coach is the thing that drives most emotions and decisions is also the one thing that a majority of people do not spend enough time examining, values. Knowing your values is like forming your own personal truth. Values are a definition of what you believe and what you stand for. Values are such an important part of our lives; however, most people only know what their values are on a surface level. Not being clear on what you value is like going on a journey without money, a phone, or a map. Value’s help guide us in the direction to a life we are happy in, believe in, and affect our attitude towards certain people, events, and behaviors.
Our values are formed when we are children. We generally take on the values of our care givers and as we grow older, we change them to match our own belief systems. If our behaviors and decisions are not aligned with our values, it can cause stress, frustration, and anxiety.
Even if you know some values, you may not know all of them. I want to help you uncover your values so that you can live with more intention, fulfillment, and certainty. Use the following exercise to help. Feel free to write this out.
1.What are the top 5 things that are most important to you at this stage of your life?
Examples:
Family, career, health, success, acceptance, happiness, fulfillment, respect, freedom, balance, respect, faith, growth, friendships, wealth, certainty, love, significance, contribution, peace, etc.…
2.Next to each of your values, describe what you want for that value.
Example:
- Health – I want to have good health by eating better. I want to release 50 lbs. I want to be fit and strong.
- Career – I want to be the boss. I want to be a part of something that makes a difference. I want to be a part of a team.
- Family – I want a happy family. I want a family that supports each other.
- Friendships – I want friendships that are authentic, fun, and supportive.
- Growth – I want to expand my mind and my experience in life by learning all that I can.
Defining exactly what you want can help identify which values are not aligned with your current conditions. If you are frustrated with your job, it could be because your values of wanting to be the boss is not your current reality.
3. Why is this important to you?
Knowing why your choice is important can motivate you to be more intentional about living within that value. It gives an emotional connection which is always the driving force behind sticking to decisions that are aligned with your values.
Example:
Health – I want to have good health by eating better. I want to release 50 lbs, be fit, and strong. I want this because I want to live a long life, be a part of my children and grandchildren’s life, and be physically strong as I age.
The reason for health wasn’t releasing 50 lbs just because or to look a certain way, it was to live longer and be there for the family. The why is going to keep you going.
4.What are the key emotions that you feel when you envision living within your values as described in question#2?
Examples could be:
- Health – Pride
- Career – Confidence
- Family – Love
- Friendships – Happiness and Joy
- Growth – Excitement
When we connect the value with a feeling, we gain clarity on the emotions that we value. And the list from question #1 is simply a way for us to reach this emotion.
5. List each emotion and write all the ways in which you can get this emotion met in other ways
- Pride – my work, my children, living with integrity.
- Confidence – working out, being kind, giving to others.
- Love – friends, giving more love to people in need
- Happiness and Joy – traveling, my family, reading, contribution.
- Excitement – making plans with friends, planning a trip, trying something new.
Now that you are clear on what is most important to you and what emotion’s you value, you can use this revelation to guide your decisions going forward. When making a career change you may consider if the role will give you confidence. When deciding on the next goal you want to crush, you may consider if reaching that goal will give you a sense of pride. You may consider your current friendships and decide that you want to eliminate people that do not bring you happiness and joy.
Living a life of meaning, certainty, and fulfillment starts with our values and my hope is that you gain that for yourself thought this exercise.
If you would like some coaching on this topic, join me Thursday March 25th at 7:00CST on my Facebook page. I will be doing a Facebook Live where I will coach and you can ask questions. Totally free. Totally for you. I can’t wait to see you.
Your Life Coach – Traci