Awww relationships! Its so great to have someone on your side that loves you, understands you, makes you feel significant, loved, and full of absolute joy 24 hours a day – right? The magnitude of how true that statement is for couples ranges.
Where does your relationship fall?
- Ummm that never happens!
- We have that! Except during football season.
- It was like that in the beginning but the honeymoon is over
- Yes – that’s us!
If your relationship isn’t thriving what you may be missing is a better understanding of what your partner needs and vice versa. I have learned a thing or two (or 100) from working for Tony Robbins who shares great advice on how to create thriving relationships. So lets jump right in with the top 3 things research has shown leads to a thriving relationship for both partners.
The top 3 things women want in relationships:
1 – To be seen
To be seen means that your partner is recognizing and expressing to you that he “see’s” when you are under stress, when you are working hard, when you are being a great mom or grandparent, when you are reaching your goals, etc.
This does not come naturally for men/male energies. They may notice what you are doing but more men/male energies do not think to express it.
2 – To be Understood / Listened to / Present
To be understood means that your partner is listening to you, as opposed to, fixing things for you. We also like it when our partner isn’t on their phone when we are complaining about our boss. Presence is very important!
3 – To feel safe in sharing their emotions.
To feel safe means that your partner is someone you can confide in without fear of being ignored or ridiculed. When women do not feel safe to share their emotions freely it can build up as resentment and be toxic for a woman’s self esteem.
Coaching Tip for women: It may seem like common sense to you, but it isn’t. Men or male energies brains think differently. We must get better at asking for what we need and to let go of the “they should already know” mentality. The reality is – they don’t know! And if they know because you told them but aren’t following through – tell them again.
Now – let’s move to what is it that men/male energies need from their partners.
The top 3 things men want in relationships:
1 – To be appreciated (Not criticized)
To be appreciated means that you recognize what they are doing right instead of focusing and criticizing what they are doing wrong. When was the last time you told your partner how much you appreciate them for being dependable, working hard, providing for you, making you laugh, etc. Everyone will have an “appreciation” that fits their relationships. Men love that! Criticizing is emasculating. Men hate that.
2 – To be playful.
To be playful means that you are not too serious. That you show your fun side. That you laugh and smile in their presence.
3 – To not be controlled.
Masculine men are natural controllers (not in an abusive way). It comes from millions of years ago when men were tasked with being strong enough to hunt for food and to protect their village while women gathered berries. We have come a long way since then. However, men still have innate masculinity that makes them natural protectors and decision makers when they are allowed to do so.
Today women have jobs where they are in control at work, tapping into masculine energy. Sometimes women forget to shut it off when they come home and having their masculine energy meet their partners. When you have two male energies in control, it kills the passion in a relationship.
Per Tony Robbins – to have a good relationship you need things in common. But to have a passionate relationship you need things to be different. Meaning that you have different energies – one person living in the female energy (emotional, loving, soft) and a male energy (logical, protective, a fixer). Also, just because you are female doesn’t mean your energy is always feminine or because you are male that yours is masculine. You can have energies of the opposite gender.
Ultimately – the #1 the most important thing is communication. Ask your partner what they need more of or want less of. See where it falls when it comes to energies. I encourage you to talk about this blog with your partner so that you can start working towards that thriving relationship.
Your Life Coach – Traci